my mouth tastes like poor choices
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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