What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
