his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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