what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
