i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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