Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
