Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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