i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
