I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
