Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
soo... how was my night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
