everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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