Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
