i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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