I think my vagina is haunted
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
