I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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