eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
