a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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