Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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