My friends, they love my intelligence
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
