I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
