nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
