I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
