you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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