So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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