My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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