i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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