just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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