dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
