from now on my penis is your penis
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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