I wanna passion pit in your ass
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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