I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
