In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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