i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
