Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
