I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
