you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I stole a fireplace last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
