Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
