im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Randomize
