yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
