I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
