You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
