I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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