I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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