oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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