How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you traded sex for a burrito?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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