I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
