Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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