Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
