Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
