Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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