Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
