there's paper in my vomit.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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