: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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