I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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