Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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