went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
