God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize