guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We need to feng shui this bitch.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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