i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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