Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
