I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
