If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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