He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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