Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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