I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
