I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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