That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize