Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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