You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
