so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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