im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
