just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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