kristin has been a bad kristin
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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