We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
