Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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