I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
