tell your sister to shave her snatch
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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