We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
