Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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