P.S. I can't hear my feet
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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