Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
