Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
